When someone dies abroad, the person who calls the FCDO, appoints the repatriation company, and makes the urgent decisions is usually one individual — a spouse, a parent, an adult child. Around them is a wider group of people who want to help but often do not know what to do.
This guide is for that wider group: the friends, siblings, neighbours, employers, and colleagues who are not running the case but want to provide genuine support.
In the first 24 to 48 hours
The immediate priority for the person managing the case is logistics. They are making telephone calls to foreign police, embassies, insurance companies, and repatriation coordinators. They are translating documents, managing time zones, and making decisions they have no training for.
What helps most in this window is practical relief, not emotional support. Emotional support comes later, and at length. Right now, they need someone to:
- Collect and care for their children or pets without being asked.
- Handle incoming calls from friends and extended family who want information.
- Buy food and put it in the house.
- Drive them to appointments without asking questions.
- Sit in silence in the same room if they need company.
What does not help: asking for updates, asking how they are, or expressing your own distress about the news. This is not the moment for that.
Managing information flow
One of the most draining aspects of a death abroad is the number of people who need to be told. Extended family, friends, work colleagues, school parents, neighbours — the list is long and every conversation is emotionally demanding.
Offer to manage communications on behalf of the family. Ask: “Would it help if I let people know what is happening, and told them not to contact you directly for now?” This is one of the most practically valuable things you can offer.
A simple message to their wider circle — “The family are dealing with an incredibly difficult situation. Please don’t contact [name] for updates. I’ll let you know when there’s news and when would be a good time to be in touch” — can significantly reduce the burden.
What to do if you are an employer
An employer’s response in the first 48 hours shapes the relationship for a long time afterwards. The right response is immediate, unconditional relief from work pressure.
Contact the employee (or if they are the deceased, the employee’s next of kin) to express condolence. Confirm, in writing, that there is no expectation to work and that sick leave, compassionate leave, or whatever the company’s policy provides will apply without question.
Do not ask when they will be back. Do not copy them on work emails in the meantime. Assign their cases or tasks to colleagues without making them feel guilty for it.
If an employee’s family member has died abroad and the employee needs to travel to the country of death, check whether the company’s travel policy, business travel insurance, or emergency assistance programme can assist.
Practical tasks that make a real difference
Beyond the first 48 hours, practical help continues to matter. Things that consistently prove useful:
Meals. Not asking “can I bring food?” but bringing it, leaving it, and going. A quiet knock on the door, a box of food left on the step, and a text saying it is there.
Administration. The family will have paperwork to handle — death certificates, coroner’s forms, estate paperwork. Offer to sit with them and help organise it, or to handle specific tasks such as notifying a bank or cancelling a subscription.
Children. If there are children in the house, offering to take them for an afternoon — a walk, a film, any activity that gives the grieving adult a few hours of quiet — is usually welcomed.
The funeral. After a death abroad, there is typically a longer wait before the funeral can take place. When it does happen, offering to help with practical arrangements — food, venue logistics, managing the guest list, writing to a venue on their behalf — takes weight off the family.
What not to say
Some things said with good intentions add to the burden rather than reducing it:
- “Let me know if there’s anything I can do.” This places the burden on the grieving person to identify and articulate a need. Offer something specific instead.
- “They’re in a better place.” This may not match the other person’s beliefs, and it minimises the reality of the loss.
- “At least they died doing something they loved.” This is well-meant but lands poorly when a family is in acute distress.
- “How are you holding up?” This question cannot be honestly answered in the early stages and adds to the performance burden of grief.
- Comments about how you would feel in the same situation.
The most effective thing you can say is often simply: “I’m sorry. I’m here. Tell me what would actually help.”
The long tail
Deaths abroad often have extended administrative tails. The body may not arrive back in the UK for two or three weeks. The UK coroner’s process may take additional time. There may be an inquest. The estate in the foreign country may take months to resolve.
During this period, the intensity of support from others typically fades while the bereaved family’s needs do not. Check in again at six weeks, at three months, and at the first anniversary. These marks on the calendar are when many people find the official support has ended but the grief has not.
Source: Cruse Bereavement Care (cruse.org.uk) best-practice guidance; FCDO consular welfare guidance; Marie Curie end-of-life research publications; industry guidance from UK bereavement and repatriation practitioners.